It has been three weeks since we brought home Miss Daisy. Overall, things are going well. It’s been delightful to watch her little personality come to life. She is a curious, fearless, energetic lovebug. We’ve been taking her and Ted to a nearby park each night after work. This time of year, for the most part, we have the park to ourselves, allowing the dogs children to be free and run off-leash.
Miraculously, Miss Daisy has already taught Ted, my six-year-old dog child, to fetch. Ted and I have always gone for long walks, but he has never been one to sprint after balls.
Several weeks ago, I took Ted to the vet for an ultrasound after discovering his liver enzymes were high. The bad news is his liver has enlarged slightly. The good news is it can be reversed with supplements and a diet change. The vet also said that Ted seemed older than six. This worried me because my first-born child needs to live forever.
Now, thanks to the combination of sprinting after balls and a supplemented diet, Ted is a new dog child. Daisy, who is much faster than Ted, is keeping him young. By learning to fetch, Ted is aging backward. In the short time we’ve had her, Daisy has taught us that it’s never too late to teach an old dog new tricks.
In 2012, after my first DUI, I was admitted to the only psych ward in the state of Michigan with an eating disorder unit. My weight and vitals were dangerously low, making the retrieval of physical health a priority over substance abuse treatment.
Thanks to a Seroquel-induced haze, my memories of that twenty-eight-day hospital stay are blurry. But I vividly remember my favorite aunt gifting me a copy of The Gifts of Imperfection, igniting my love affair with Brene Brown’s work.
Since then, I have collected and cherished all of Brene’s books. In many ways, her work was my North Star. She talked about emotions, vulnerability, shame, and connection in ways I had never heard before. Tempest and my previous therapist both relied heavily on Brene’s work. #BreneForPresident was a hashtag I used often. Brene was, or so I thought, the Queen of healing.
However, there has recently been a shift in the narrative surrounding Brene Brown. After a few months away from social media and high demand for a statement, Brene shared this blue post-it note on Instagram with a link to an essay explaining her thoughts on the genocide that is happening in Palestine.
Without reading the statement, I liked the Instagram photo. Days later, I finally read the statement, was horrified, and unliked the photo. The title alone, "Thoughts on the Israel-Hamas War,” is a red flag. Calling this a war is inaccurate because it implies that both sides have an equal fighting chance, and they do not. Genocide is the only correct term here.
A 1400-word essay was not necessary. The only thing Brene needed to say is: “I support a ceasefire and immediate aid to the Palestinians who are being obliterated.”
Instead, Brene takes a stance of neutrality, which dangerously reinforces the very systems that allowed this genocide to happen in the first place. This statement is the opposite of the courage-driven shtick that Brene is known for. This statement is the opposite of Daring Greatly and Braving the Wilderness. Unfortunately, this statement is a perfect example of a white woman with massive influence unknowingly upholding white supremacy.
After this shock to the system, I went down a TikTok rabbit hole and discovered that Brene’s work has been problematic for years, especially for marginalized folks. One woman says this about Brene’s body of work:
“The thing that is so insidious about what Brene Brown is saying is that a simple change in perception can create change for marginalized people. It’s this notion that if we all got on board and changed our perception, we’d be treated as fully human. It’s the most gaslighting bullshit ever.”
The main takeaway here is that many of the ideas and morals I grew up with are, naturally, steeped in whiteness. At this point in my life, I believe that having tough conversations about internalized white supremacy is necessary. Admitting my blindness to the concept of privilege until my late twenties is better than ignoring it. Forever learning from these hard truths beats ignorance and oblivion.
I am not saying Brene’s work is useless. I am saying that, moving forward, I will be wary of anyone who holds her on a pedestal. Like Brene, most of my work lacks intersectionality. It is impossible to write honestly about things I have not experienced first-hand. Luckily, it is not impossible to acknowledge what I have gotten wrong and learn from my mistakes. Now that I know better, I’ll do better.
Like Ted, I am an old dog learning new tricks.
Last night, we let Daisy off the leash to chase geese on the beach. To our surprise, she jumped in the water after them. Naturally, the late February, icy temperature shocked her. Just like the downfall of Brene Brown has shocked me.
We wrapped shivering Daisy in our jackets and immediately took her home. Like I said, she is a curious, fearless, energetic lovebug. She’s not afraid to jump in and learn about life the hard way. Now that she knows better, she’ll do better.
My only goal moving forward is to be more like my dogs children. Being a white woman means I have a lifetime of deconstructing and unlearning ahead of me. But as my curious, fearless, energetic lovebug has taught us, it is never too late to teach an old dog new tricks.
Progress.