Unless you’re lucky enough to live under a rock, you probably heard about Justin Timberlake’s DUI arrest. My social media feed has been flooded with his mugshot, the handcuff photo, and memes publicly shaming him all week long. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard Cry Me A River since his arrest, my student loan debt would be gone.
As someone with two DUIs, this collective humiliation has triggered my own shame spiral. Every time I read a comment or hear a joke directed at JT, it feels like a dagger to my heart. Why does everyone believe that DUIs are deserving of a societal crucifixion? Why do we think this is okay? Why is it normal to throw stones while people are at their lowest?
I’m sure last week’s full moon in Capricorn didn’t help, but I’ve shed many tears while witnessing the reaction to JT’s arrest. You better believe I will cry you a damn river while fighting to change the narrative around DUIs and public shaming.
Justin Timberlake’s rise to fame began with N’SYNC when I was in middle school. The No Strings Attached album was the soundtrack to my family’s 18-hour spring break road trip to St. Augustine, Florida in 2000. Before I understood the problematic nature of men in pop culture, JT was my number-one heartthrob.
Last year, I read Britney Spear’s book and my view of JT changed. I think he, and most men in positions of extreme power and privilege, have sexual assault and excessive drug use in their past/present. I’m not writing this to condone that behavior. #TeamBritney forever.
I am writing this because the number one comment people have about JT’s DUI arrest is, “I just can’t fathom how someone with that much privilege could possibly get behind the wheel and drive while intoxicated. How stupid can he be?”
I’ll tell you how it’s fathomable. When you drink alcohol, the prefrontal cortex goes offline, meaning the decision-making part of the brain is not functioning. It’s literally impossible to make good decisions while under the influence of alcohol, with or without privilege.
Seeing JT’s mugshot and handcuff photos triggered memories of my second DUI. After my mom bailed me out and picked me up from the jail, we stopped by the local repair shop where my car had been towed. The lady working asked me what happened. When I told her, she looked at me disgustedly and said, “You should’ve known better. You put everyone else on the road at risk when you act in such a selfish way.”
I looked at her, said nothing, and hung my head low. Weeks later, my name and mugshot were published in the local newspaper for everyone to see. Even for someone without fame and fortune, the shaming and the stone-throwing are a reality.
In March 2023, Abby Wambach shared her DUI story on Glennon Doyle’s We Can Do Hard Things Podcast. Shockingly, Abby said, “I needed and deserved every bit of the shame that came with my mugshot being on the ESPN ticker to get sober.”
Immediately after hearing that, I ran to Glennon’s Instagram post for this episode. I commented, “Respectfully, I disagree with the idea that Abby needed and deserved every bit of shame. No one deserves to be shamed for getting hooked on a legal, addictive substance.” How is it possible that the hosts of the podcast that I consider to be my church still hold the belief that DUI shaming is appropriate?
The hardest part for me to understand about drinking and driving is why it is an option for anyone. We live in a culture that normalizes and celebrates alcohol use. Someday everyone will wake up and realize that we’ve been sold lies about alcohol, just like we were sold lies about cigarettes.
Let’s be real, people drink and drive all the time. Can you honestly say that you’ve never gotten behind the wheel after going out to dinner and enjoying a couple of drinks with your meal?
Why don’t all motor vehicles, including boats and snowmobiles, have breathalyzers?
Why do we blame, shame, and chastise the person instead of the drug?
Why is drinking and driving even an option for anyone?
JT, Abby, and I did not deserve handcuffs or public humiliation. Every single DUI offender should receive compassionate, holistic, evidence-based, trauma-informed care. And unfortunately, the majority of our culture doesn’t even understand what that sentence means. All they know and understand is criminalization and stone-throwing.
Even though I am #TeamBritney, I still see JT as a human being who might need help with substance use/abuse. If you are one of the people who posted about or commented on the incomprehensibility or hilariousness of Justin Timberlake’s arrest, then you are part of the problem. Not only did you throw stones at JT, but you also threw stones at me.
So, yes, I will cry you a river because it is insane to criminalize folks for their actions while using a legal, highly addictive drug that shuts down the pre-frontal cortex. I will cry you a river because DUIs and alcohol abuse are a symptom of unresolved pain and trauma, not selfishness. I will cry you a river because folks like me need help, not handcuffs.
Instead of Moms Against Drunk Driving, I should start a movement called Breathalyzers For All Motor Vehicles. As long as alcohol is legal and easily accessible, folks are going to drink and drive. Something needs to change.
Until then, I will say Bye Bye Bye to my shame spiral and use my river of tears to fuel systemic reform.
Progress.