Five Prideful Months Later...
It’s hard to believe it has been five months since I last sat down and wrote here. Five months is a long time. I continued writing my Debunking Addiction blog all summer at HealthyPlace* but stepped down last week. That experience taught me how challenging it is to write according to someone else’s agenda and format. Instead of enjoying my summer weekends, I spent Saturdays and Sundays beating myself up for missing Monday morning deadlines. Not fun. I’m glad to be back in this space where I can write freely without limitations.
A part of me wants to keep writing about addiction forever. In my perfect world, thanks to my writing, the whole recovery system and how society views addiction would change. There would be no more stigma or criminalization. There would only be holistic, evidence-based, compassionate care for everyone in need, regardless of socioeconomic status.
Another part of me wants to move on and write about something else. All I know for sure is writing centers me and brings me back home to myself. It is the only thing in my life that engulfs me to the point of time loss. The colder, darker months encourage me to slow down, cozy up with a piping-hot mug of herbal tea, and indulge in my magically intuitive braindumps. We’ll see what this season has in store for my creativity.
The last time I wrote here, I had just moved from a rural Michigan town to a Detroit suburb. Everything has changed over the past five months, except my commitment to an alcohol-free lifestyle. This is the first address I have ever inhabited where alcohol will never enter my home - pause, take a deep breath, and let that sentence sink in for a moment. Amidst all the change, an alcohol-free home has been a dream and an anchor. I am beaming with pride.
Last week, to my confusion, someone told me that pride is a sinful emotion that needs to be squashed. They must have been referring to the biblical definition of pride, which says God condemns the proud and praises the humble. However, according to Merriam-Webster, pride is simply a display of self-respect. Even if this person was “spreading God’s word,” how could they tell me to squash my self-respect?
Addiction almost killed me. In 2022 alone, six of my past rehab roommates died addiction-related deaths. Even the Twelve Steps, the so-called holy grail of recovery, taught me that pride (self-respect) is a character defect that needs to be prayed away. I don’t understand how that can be true when self-respect (pride) is the thing that keeps me alive. I refuse to sit quietly on the sidelines, pride in check, praying to some God who believes self-respect is a sin while my addicted pals are left for dead.
Elise Loehnen recently published the book On Our Best Behavior - The Seven Deadly Sins and the Price Women Pay to Be Good. Every chapter is thoughtfully dedicated to debunking and uncovering the patriarchal origins underlying each of the seven deadly sins. Of course, my favorite chapter dove headfirst into pride.
Maybe some people’s concept of God teaches them that I am a hellbound sinner for being too prideful.
But I am okay with that because my first-ever alcohol-free home is a big fucking deal.
The God of my understanding wants me to live my alcohol-free life out loud, pridefully.
Progress.
P.S. Ironically, I wrote an affirmation essay for Tempest two Octobers ago, almost to the date, called I am Proud of Myself.
*Here are some of the HealthyPlace pieces I wrote over the summer:
Understanding the Two Types of Trauma to Heal Addiction
An Alcohol-Free Night Out Helped Me Redefine Success - this one is about my Era’s Tour experience (!!!)
How Social Media Addiction Affected My Life
Coping with Grief in Sobriety with Mother Nature’s Help
Why Are So Many Addicts Repeat Offenders?
Foreboding Joy is a Challenge in Addiction Recovery
